she looked like the before picture.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
