just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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