I wish I could punch you in the face.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
