Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
