Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize