he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
His hands were made for my vagina.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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