my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
either way he was missing a nipple.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
