Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
