the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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