If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
