i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
P.S. I can't hear my feet
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
