you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
