Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
