Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
