Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
