My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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