I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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