Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
