Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
well you can't waste a boner
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
