We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
