hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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