do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
