i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
