you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
