she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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