4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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