Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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