my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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