hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
