i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
