i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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