I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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