Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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