So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
