just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
