I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Let's get the cat blown out
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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