Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
