i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
