her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
