we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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