The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize