2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
