so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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