I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
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