just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
