Sorry, I don't speak sober.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
