Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
