Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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