is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Randomize
