Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
