I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize