You work out of a Hotel?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
