I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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