So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
