I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
two words...techno handjob
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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