If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
