Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
did i walk over a car last night?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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