Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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