god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
