i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
