Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
