If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
