Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
