): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
