Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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