I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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