Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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