found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
