It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize