If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
ttyl tear gas
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
