boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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